I'm Talking About Love

I have a problem. I talk about my fiancée all the time. At least three conversations per day include a phrase such has "Well, my fiancée was telling me..." or "Elizabeth and I were talking, and..." or "Elizabeth said the other day..." or something similar. I mean, I do talk to her every night, for at least an hour, in addition to multiple texts and sometimes calls throughout the day. It also could be the distance: being 412 miles away from each other, I want to make her a part of my everyday life, and talking about her is just one way to do it.

I think the real culprit, though, is love. I love my fiancée (You say: "Well I'd hope so."), and as we are 151 days away from being joined in holy matrimony, she is becoming an ever increasing part of who I am. So in one sense, I am not talking about her more, but I am compensating for her growing influence in my life.

Now you may be wondering why this is a problem. Well, it kind of isn't. As I already mentioned, I love my fiancée, and highly enjoy talking to and about her. The problem is, because my love for her and the growing importance she has in my life constitutes more talking about her, that there is a noticeable absence of such talk about God.

People who regularly talk to me may notice I engage in theological conversation a fair amount, readily repeating the latest blog or thought from Piper, Driscoll, etc., or how I don't agree with ----'s theology, or ----'s interpretation of the Bible, but how often do you hear me say "Well, God was telling me..." or "I was praying, and..." or "I was reading God's Word the other day and it said..."? What this says to me is that God does not have a growing influence in my life--that I do not love him--at least not to what would be a good degree.

So talking about Elizabeth is not the problem, but not talking about God is. What's comforting, though, is that in both cases, the amount of talking I do about the other person does not affect how much they love me. Both Elizabeth and God, though I deserve neither, will love and pursue me no matter the quantity nor quality of what I say about them. That is a blessing.

Fulfillment In Jesus Is A Myth

That's right, I said it. You will never be fulfilled by Jesus here on earth. If want to hear the explanation to this seemingly heretical statement, you are going to have to watch this video:



From what I understand, this is a major gist of Donald Miller's new book A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. I want to read it, bad. And I agree.

Jesus is the climax of my life, but not while I am here on earth. Not until glory. If he is the climax in this life, then what's with all this troublesome and ridiculous and difficult crap I have to deal with!?! That is no falling action. That's a crappy denouement. And God doesn't do crappy.

One Handed Worship

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind.

While my jury is still out on the overall quality of the new Jars of Clay album, The Long Fall Back to Earth, I found this song, "Two Hands," particularly intriguing.

Once again, like they did with "Dead Man (Carry Me)" on their last album, the first verse slapped me right in the face with my own reality. I mean, not too long ago, I myself said that I was not living sanely. The next portion of the song points to a lot of mine and many people's problem:

I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high!

Ah! What if I had two hands doing the same things? Instead of raising one to heaven and with the other sowing seeds of sin or exalting an unworthy idol or feeding my petty insatiable pleasures, what would the power of my life be? Jesus himself said "No one can serve two masters," and while money may not be the distraction for everyone, the concept holds true.

Think about it: no professional baseball player breaks records by batting one-handed. And Beethoven may have been deaf, but he sure as heck didn't write all that bangin' music with one hand.

No one who has the ability to put two hands worth of effort into something is celebrated or considered wise for only using one.

Do we really then want God's name to be glorified? Do I think he's worthy of worship? We will nominally raise one hand in exultation and with the other we point fingers, kill, steal, jerk-off, or grasp for whatever fleeting fortune we can claim in our few years upon this earth.

When someone really wants something, they use two hands in an attempt to obtain it. Do we desire God to be praised? The logical answer would appear to be a resounding "No."

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof.

Such is our condition; every human is a hypocrite, to what degree is the key. We are all liars, thieves, murderers, adulterers, idolaters, and God has placed in us his image bearers an inherent desire for the truth, a desire for something in which to rest our faith.

Now, I believe, not nearly as firmly as it merits, that God's word has given us a very grace-filled opportunity to "feels the scars and see the proof." I think that, additionally,

If we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control.

And losing control is just about the best thing that can happen to us. I am realizing more and more that following Christ is less about literally doing what he did and more about getting my own dang self out of the way and letting him do what he did in me.

How to do that fully, I do not know yet and I doubt any follower will ever fully grasp, but I am here and I am determined to continue to discover how to do it more and more.

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes.

So think, as I am thinking: what do I use my other hand for beside lifting it high to God, the only one worthy of it being raised to? And how can I turn myself towards two handed worship?

Holy Ain't Easy

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us"
—Hebrews 12:1

Being raised in the church, and attending numerous conferences and camps, I've heard this verse so many times. When I read it the other day though, it struck me in a much deeper way.

I think a lot of time we (very often me) say that the spiritual walk and spiritual discipline is so difficult (insert whiny teenage voice there). But I think that's the point. It is difficult.

Jesus had to walk uphill to get to the Cross. There's no escalator to heaven. It is indeed a stairway, or perhaps more accurately a 45% grade mountain trail.

In the other versions of Hebrews 21:1 that I looked up, instead of endurance I saw perseverance, persistence, without giving up, and even with patience. In fact, the Amplified Bible says it like this: "with patient endurance and steady and active persistence."

And then there's the sin: when you are running uphill, do you think you'd be inclined to hold on to a couple of 50 lb. weights, just for kicks? Or tie some ropes to you legs? There is no logical excuse for holding on to something that can and will hold you up, trip you up and cause you to give up.

I think this quote by Jonathan Edwards really nails it:

"We should travel on in the way of obedience to all God’s commands, even the difficult as well as the easy; denying all our sinful inclinations and interests. The way to heaven is ascending; we must be content to travel up hill, though it be hard and tiresome, and contrary to the natural bias of our flesh."

Perilous Sympathy

"It is perilously easy to have amazing sympathy with God's truth and remain in sin."
-- Oswald Chambers

Oh, how easy it is.

Am I Fighting the Good Fight?

"There are people in the Christian church, even real Christians I daresay, who hardly ever fight the good fight of faith. They have no scars to show that they have fought their master's battles. They never slept in their clothes with their swords at their sides. They are strangers to the struggle that other Christians know so well. Ask them how to fight your battles with sinful desires that war against your soul and they will give you a blank stare in return. They don't know what you are talking about. They do not know what it is to be weary of watching for the Lord, of lifting their eyes to the hills from whence comes their help. The Devil has seldom troubled them because they aren't worth the effort."
--Robert S. Rayburn