One Handed Worship

I’ve been living out of sanity
I’ve been splitting hairs and blurring lines
I am a house that is divided
In my heart and in my mind.

While my jury is still out on the overall quality of the new Jars of Clay album, The Long Fall Back to Earth, I found this song, "Two Hands," particularly intriguing.

Once again, like they did with "Dead Man (Carry Me)" on their last album, the first verse slapped me right in the face with my own reality. I mean, not too long ago, I myself said that I was not living sanely. The next portion of the song points to a lot of mine and many people's problem:

I use one hand to pull closer
The other to push you away
If I had two hands doing the same thing
Lifted high, lifted high!

Ah! What if I had two hands doing the same things? Instead of raising one to heaven and with the other sowing seeds of sin or exalting an unworthy idol or feeding my petty insatiable pleasures, what would the power of my life be? Jesus himself said "No one can serve two masters," and while money may not be the distraction for everyone, the concept holds true.

Think about it: no professional baseball player breaks records by batting one-handed. And Beethoven may have been deaf, but he sure as heck didn't write all that bangin' music with one hand.

No one who has the ability to put two hands worth of effort into something is celebrated or considered wise for only using one.

Do we really then want God's name to be glorified? Do I think he's worthy of worship? We will nominally raise one hand in exultation and with the other we point fingers, kill, steal, jerk-off, or grasp for whatever fleeting fortune we can claim in our few years upon this earth.

When someone really wants something, they use two hands in an attempt to obtain it. Do we desire God to be praised? The logical answer would appear to be a resounding "No."

I have a broken disposition
I’m a liar who thirsts for the truth
And while I ache for faith to hold me
I need to feel the scars and see the proof.

Such is our condition; every human is a hypocrite, to what degree is the key. We are all liars, thieves, murderers, adulterers, idolaters, and God has placed in us his image bearers an inherent desire for the truth, a desire for something in which to rest our faith.

Now, I believe, not nearly as firmly as it merits, that God's word has given us a very grace-filled opportunity to "feels the scars and see the proof." I think that, additionally,

If we just keep digging we can reach the foundation
Of our souls
And if we just keep cutting all the chains from our hearts
We’ll lose control.

And losing control is just about the best thing that can happen to us. I am realizing more and more that following Christ is less about literally doing what he did and more about getting my own dang self out of the way and letting him do what he did in me.

How to do that fully, I do not know yet and I doubt any follower will ever fully grasp, but I am here and I am determined to continue to discover how to do it more and more.

And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes.

So think, as I am thinking: what do I use my other hand for beside lifting it high to God, the only one worthy of it being raised to? And how can I turn myself towards two handed worship?