Of Perceptive Reality

I think I want to keep a record of all of my stupid, selfish little thoughts not so that I can go back later and see how stupid and selfish I was, but to realize that at that time, my stupidity and selfishness were my reality.

I struggle a lot. Actually, struggle isn't the right word, surrender would be a bit more accurate. But when I do, I always claim that I "don't know" what to do, that I "have tried, but can't" break free from my "spiritual depression." On the one hand, I could have used (and continue to need) people to tell me to quit whining and turn to Jesus, on the other, at those times where I hit the pits of Sheol-esque emotion, those are very real statements.

At those times, my perception is my reality because it is controlling my action. That being said, I can break free from those depths and am learning how to do that each and every day.

I just feel like it would be interesting to see what my perceptive reality is at those times.